Mom:
hello!
At this moment, can't find the direction of the torrent poured out from the heart, to heaven, flocking to the past...
I remember clearly that day six years ago, it was I have been looking forward to Saturday, is I don't go to school, can see I have been longing for feature film on Saturday.My mood is very happy.And behold, you are going to wash a lot of clothes, of course, also have me, dad doesn't let me watch TV, said going to help you.I feel very disappointed by thrusting towards you.You just washed with a whole day, I turned over several times to you stare angrily, but could only see your tender and gentle smile.
On Sunday we go to relatives over the whole family together.Looking at your face, relatives said you more and more young.Also, all your life because of pneumonia, eaten not gratified flexibly, also can't literally eat fruit.Well, since for a long time haven't heard you cough, may be free issued to those drugs in the village, long can cure your disease.
I sat down on a table linen suddenly remembered those countless medicine bottle, there is big and small.You take medicine to me the only benefit is to eat the medicine bottle is empty to me, because I have so many bottles, and play with me also have a lot of children.If you really don't have to take medicine after what I play?......
The laughter of the ear damage my mind, the original you eat watermelon they are happy for you and smiling.I also feel very fresh, in my memory, you never eat the fruit, the most let me hate because you don't eat the fruit, we seldom buy home, so I always do not have enough to eat.Winter, you secretly eat meat every night;In the summer, every meal, you have at least one egg in the bowl.Good are you at home anyway.Because of you, I can't get things there are a lot of...In this way, when you on the table talk, I think so much, more think more angry.
We went back to the home, in the evening I know you uncomfortable, also heard you call me a few, but because of anger, I pretend to sleep.
You didn't sleep a wink all night, the day is bright.I went to school to eat breakfast, because has the final exam next morning, the teacher arranged the examination room after school very early.When I got home, the home only father, father told me that you went to the hospital.My in the mind a little happy, I not at home, how wonderful!
When I was watching TV, my brother to take the baggage, said that you should be hospitalized, at that moment, I still had time to want to go to the hospital to visit you on Saturday, but the purpose is to bazaar.
The day I get up early, go daddy mosques began cooking for both of father.Is doesn't work very anxious, I heard the sound to open the door, the thought is dad, but in the neighbor's son.He said to me: "your brother has just called and said your mother much better, you don't have to worry about."After he was out in my heart to think: good good, this is no need to call and speak to them in the morning?What I am worrying about my exams, which have time to worry about her!
I am very not easy made a pot of rice, I finally feel every time you suffer when cooking.
Day not bright, pan in the open.Waiting for my dad come back, but still wait to the neighbor's son, he said: "elder brother telephoned again you say go home now, I'm here to tell you."I feel very strange, how so fast?Still feel a little excited, heartbeat speed is faster, this is my first time to cook, you see I do meal will be very happy!So I quickly clean up the house.Soon, the gate was opened, and I heard a couple of rapid footsteps.Sister-in-law ran shop in the plate in front of the elder brother, I was speechless at the sight of the elder brother behind you.How's that?You in the morning not go yourself?Just make a phone call is not to say that much better?You should walk in!
Brother help you lay down carefully.I saw you one eye, your affectionate eyes closed.I look at the brother, only to see the brother watery eyes.He hugged me said mom go...I pushed him, to you said with a smile: "mom, don't go to sleep! Wake up, I do meal is cool, this is my first time to cook, you have to eat, up...!..."I kept shaking your hard, you don't have any reaction...Imperceptible in two drops of tears to cheek.Hold the hand you the cold, I began to SOB.At this moment, I what all don't remember, don't remember what I've just made, don't remember today I want to do, don't remember what I'm crying...I all forgot!
See dad at the moment, my heart is like a sword, unbearable, throw themselves in the arms of his father, sorrow.
In this way, I have no you!Mom, are you angry to take French leave?Now that is I do wrong, you also shouldn't punish me!
Mom, comprehend the truth of today, really broke my heart!You secretly at night to eat, the original, but the medicine!You eat those eggs, is to take medicine and complement nutrition!Now people even eat meat could not resist the drug adverse reactions, but you that was so weak body, only rely on eggs nutrition and stick to it, I am really ashamed for at that time the idea of!
That day night, you said your arm numb, I said who let you wash so many clothes, deserved it, but today I for that sentence chagrin, I should give you a massage, to accompany you all night, I was too stupid, so I have a lifetime of regret!
The day after, I went to the school, numb feet can't walk, you went to the hospital after your whole body numb couldn't stand up.My brother told me, close your eyes before you entrust is let elder brother bullish on dad and me.After you left, my brother really changed my rough, he began to dote on me.But he told me, the better, the more my heart pain.As long as you by my side, others how to me I don't care, but you let others look good, I have hurt my heart, how others can take the place of you, mom!
At this moment, my pain be unable to hold back the flood of, flow in my artery, I really think you very much, mom!Everyone calls on the mountain, have echo;Everyone around me say "mama", will be a "child", but not me!I only have those traces of the wind leave me - the full of despair and loneliness!!!!!!
Junior high school life is imperceptible in the past, perhaps because I was a little, know little, so didn't felt a sense of pain.But from the moment of entering high school, I had this kind of "heartburn" strange disease, high school period is the initial stages of the "disease".The cause of the "disease" has the following items:
The first is that I don't have to ears but heart to listen to others speak.Live in the school dormitory, in the face of those who have the "mom" roommates, with the family of their chat topic, for me it is extremely difficult to such a person.I can't face, listen to sentence, heartache for a long time, so I had to choose from.I'm less than others to say a word "defects", into a wall, the distance between I with others.
The second is, I the big change of spirit.Before lively open and bright, very brave, I suddenly became silent, cowardice.Attitude towards study also used a fear, afraid to ask more, this leads to my grades.I on the stupid student in the class of the team, the teachers don't pay attention to me, the classmates things don't add me, in this way, the distance between I with others become dacheng deep canyons.
The third is that family relationships.So boring day at school a week, very not easy to get back home, all my desire to fly without a trace, are not being met.Poor, I can't find a right size for me.Look at an increasingly old daddy, my heart still young have become desolate.Everything in her arms, the obscure, little by little relationship with the outside world is completely cut off.
In the high school life, a beautiful day for me is really a handful.I of the "heart" disease, coupled with the economic crisis in our house, make me more lonely, everything seems to be happy with you together buried in soil, stay away from me too!
Since high school, I always blame myself too selfish, knowing you can't afford to my house for tuition fees, or to read with their blood and sweat of money, it brings me a lot of pressure.
Up several times when I was to leave school, but in order to give their chance, endure everything.Life saving, brought from home each week called naan, up to a visit to the school dining hall, sometimes by Friday, called naan out from home or the mould can't eat, I didn't attend the class on Saturday, ask for leave and go back.Sometimes I can't on this Saturday classes, for selecting the bilingual class and regret.Who all don't know, why I ask for leave so many times not because home occupy, but because I don't have to eat in school!Actually I also want to listen to the class on Saturday, just no conditions...When my own bosom friends in spirit, in my heart with your chat, and there are endless.Every time don't want to listen to the teacher, don't want to learn, I can't help but to their own inner world, give yourself cry a lot on her mind.Often give their comfort said: come on, will all the past, you are the best!If is others, would have to give up, you do the others can't do, you are a special person!So, I was cheated myself, crustily skin of head to spent their educations.
In high school less than two months, my sadness to the climax.I am not at home in a week home passage!Largely ended with the fall of farming, although at this time but I still can't get rid of some physical work, for it is the dead leaves fall, every peasant families have to sweep the leaves, as the sheep of food in the winter, and our family.
I go to school the next day, sister-in-law sweep the leaves outside all day, so unfortunate things happen.Sister-in-law has eight months pregnant, several times to the hospital examination, doctors say it's twins, have to pay special attention to action, are not allowed to do things.But that day she to sweep the leaves standing for a long time and excessive exhaustion, in the middle of the night when all of a sudden stomachache, too late to go to the hospital.Two fetuses, is indeed a female, a male, elder brother to go with my father in the dark the graveyard buried them.
When I came back home I have no home, dad suddenly old many, wrinkles are more obviously.The sunken eyes look at elder brother, sister-in-law's pale face, nephew that come to tears, my heart began to ache!Because my sister-in-law walk, no one can cook, so they bilk called naan after a week.Teeth fall out of dad, bedridden sister-in-law, nephew of staggered walk, only a week by the hard to use a knife can break called naan and alive!!!!!!I really can not stand, can't stand this year!Is I have led to this result, if the reason my sister-in-law do do, dad will not lose two grandchildren, brother will not lose two children!Is I hurt them!!!!!
Mom, you not is have been looking forward to have grandchildren?You should be patient, waiting for a period of time just good!You leaving a year later, the elder brother have a lovely son.But, like I can't get a mother's love, he also did not have the grandma's love!As a great grandson, not grandma's arms, really a pity!His heart is very young, also don't know, I more sad for him!And, it happened today, this kind of tragedy, I can't stand!I went to school was erroneously, I also need to continue to go?No way!My eyes is the dark, I'll put down, just get worse tragedy!
I think twice, resolutely stopped.Went to school, I found that I never can miss, is not interested at all to the school.So after the teacher in charge of the class, with her go to the office, tell her all the full of it, said to myself to learn at home.Although her as a woman sympathy for me, but I still don't believe that I can study.Then I frankly, I can't "one person be evil, ten thousand people suffer", may not be able to complete the dream I was a student, but I will certainly make the family suffering to go to school.I just want to get a chance to can test their, I don't think the result is the best reward for me, because I can get this process is the most important.For me, as a result, only means that the process smoothly.So please allow me to create process, a great dream!!!!You can let me to attend the university entrance exam in the end.The teacher finally figured it out, but she only allowed me to temporarily to learn at home, and every time come to all his exams.
I went back and started to leave school "self-study" I said.It is "different", home is home, I always can't no matter!I am not the purpose of the suspension is to do the housework?In the passage of time, I could not open the page in the daytime, because I am at home, my "self-study" in all the sleeping darkness...
I came to school to take part in the final exam.As usual, is that boring school!Test is done, the result is out, but it is "than ever".Has always been a stupid student I, this time the class within 41 students, is a former second;More than 250 students, fully bilingual class is 46.I don't let the teacher down, but the family against me to continue "self-study", is worried about my "lost", so I went back to the "past".This is not the same, I hold the desire of the family, with their trust and support to me.I swear to bear everything, regardless of anything moving forward.Because of family care, give me given the wheel on the light, illuminate the warmth like the sunshine to me, I only know that I owe the feeling is really too much!
As the saying goes, the day has a lot of the unforeseen.Through the winding road, very not easy to catch up with three, but met traffic jam "" economy, history repeats itself.Do how?Give up?How is it possible?I have sworn, crossed the mountains, can now look back in time?I have no way to retreat, did not avoid the path, if any, that is a dead end!
I had to go home again and started the "self-study".Mock exam to college entrance examination for the first time I got to school, please.I got, the result are ok, Chinese scored 141, bilingual class won the first place.Have a brother to working in the money later, three in the second semester, I normally go to class.A week before the college entrance examination approaching, I'm totally out of the school.At home, I put all the idea to the head outside, reading novels to stabilize the mood.
Time is up, but I still can't avoid those should not mind.Mind repeating the question is not how can test good, but how can you face the parents!
This time, everyone to take an examination, at least by two people take care of me?Don't let the family to "take care of me.More than I do look forward to the dawn of the day, going to good this day how to accompany me, how to encourage my brother, I told him to come;Took advantage of the chance to relatives to visit, to see my father, were I refused.
To complete the first day of the test, such as heart nervously sitting on the dormitory family telephone, my bosom friend to call me, said to her dorm.I have not followed her.Sure enough, the boundaries of pain is beyond the scope of I can stand, in my heart pour to the reactions of "storm" finally!
I see is that take the door is her mother!Also has its her people's mother, of course, but I cannot feel to them, just in front of the angelic woman, I can't look up!And see her at the first glance that eyes flashing a mother's love, I can't help it!In the home to themselves some determined to fly and fly, I'm still captured in sadness!
In the eyes of others, I am a very strong, independent person.Who all don't know, in fact, I am a very fragile, abandon.In fact, I was a worm, looks like a shell so hard, there is a fragile heart!
That night, I don't know how to go back to the dormitory, only remember her crying.First of all, is a hand, head, face, and then began to numb, like your whole body numb that night!I bars already in water room door and fell to the ground, clearly heard coming from the outside the roommates are kept Shouting.General numbness, I began to be afraid!This day, I like you, to leave this life?......
All over now, that day how sad, I cried and the world smile so bright!Anyway, although I eat bitterness of bitter, but on the whole process is successfully completed.God gave me a way, I don't know if this is the way to the heaven, and I don't know how much is waiting for me to meet.I only know that my life boat is rippling in the waves of pain, since leaving you, just the way I have been to have, have no choice, and there is no way to retreat!I often delusion, illusion you come back with me.If possible, you held me in her arms, just a minute or one second...The result?
I always have a dream, the dream to become a child, I cried, climb, climb to a woman's arms, but climb to a grave.I fall in the grave, tightly embrace it, rub it that red mud on the face, it did not move, give me a feeling of indifference.Suddenly, here have very thick smoke, I lost in the darkness.
I flow tears, kept Shouting the name of a person.When the smoke began to dissipate, I seemed to see the woman.She smiled and stood before me, she has a common stars in the sky overhead and round month, wearing a white dress, also used for a long time didn't want to leave my eyes looked at me.
The face is so familiar with.Is you, is my mother!......I quickly walked to you, you are silent disappeared, where are you going to go?Look around and around, desolate and then running like a madman, running aimlessly, suddenly drops in can't see the bottom of the valley, hurriedly opened his eyes, saw another world, I'm covered in sweat, cold hands tightly clenched fists...Feel very heavy, eyes filled with tears of pain, only to hear a sad voice coming from deep in the bottom of my heart - called "mom"!
I have been thinking of you night and day, but I not once get your reply!Mother, mother!Where are you in?Where is your love?I in any place to find mom, everywhere have a mother, and no mother!I write this letter to want to let you know, I have been looking for you, have been looking forward to hearing from you, even in the dream...
Advance:
salute
Want to your daughter